The weekend was slightly like an atomic bomb of stupidness from the outside world pouring into mine. I hit a point of absolute exhaustion and utter hard heartedness. At the point of my frustration no song on guitar, time spent on a painting, amount of fundip, spicey Tika Masala (Nommy nom Indian Food), As Told By Liz episode, or funny moment could pull me out of slump.
The nice thing about being in a slump: You give yourself the absolute authoritative right to be moody and look upset with "Mess with me or Die" plastered on your face.
The bad thing about a slump: You in no way exhibit the love of the Lord or the His abundant joy. You hit a point where acceptance of self-centeredness sounds like the best decision. You express a non-realistic view to the world of what the Love of Jesus conquers.
SO, Sunday rolled around and I woke up to yet another ploy to make me reach over and slip on my mask of "Mess with me or Die". Then for breakfast, while running around getting ready, I drank an intense cup of "My life is insanity- EVERYONE SHOULD SYMPATHIZE WITH ME". After this I drove over to my friends dorm, picked him up, and rushed to church.
Granted, YES I was stoked to see some friends I hadn't in a long time. Reality is that my heart was in no place of wanting to a hear a sermon, praise Jesus, or communicate with people that could convict me of my growing bitterness.
Alas, I mention how crazy my weekend was and moved conversation around to what is going on in other peoples life. It was not completely a sneaky manipulating detour on my part because I did in fact care deeply for each of them. I will, however, admit the whole detour created a beautiful excuse to get away with my apathy for concerning matters at hand.
Everything was going swell, and then *BAM* ...the Lord hit me. Not literally, the Holy Spirit (as my gals and I would say) is a gentleman. The song He Loved Me to the End was our last worship song. As soon as I heard the first few chords something, some tiny twang in my heart split at that point. The bitter, apathetic, stoic side of me shattered and left a wound Jesus could bandage. There is something about the words to that song (you can look them up) that devours chains on my heart every time I hear it. Broken chains have tangible evidence of their pre-existance, however, devoured chains are what the Lord does. He physically took them on the cross. They have no type of evidence of their previous existence. And, then, as if the Lord Himself sings it to me, I can't contain myself, and I must sing it back to him. "I won't giveee up, He loved me to the End. I will press onnnn, He loved me to the end..."
From that point on my whole insides (and possibly outer demeanor) changed.
Then, at the end of the service a couple of us started talking about the Lord. We recently helped run a revival service. This service felt like one of the biggest blessings of this year, but happened to also make me feel black listed amongst some fellow believers. Constantly I have been fighting lies these last few weeks revolving this one night that truly was an encouragement and a movement. Yes, it made some uncomfortable, but it issued a place for some to encounter the Holy Spirit in a way they hadn't before. I watched a good friend get prompted to go pray for someone he didn't really know. This is COMPLETELY out of his normal realm of comfort zone...and I'm pretty sure he loved that he was obedient to the spirit afterwards. I watched a girl feel free to lift her hands and sing with all her might. I watched a couple kids hesitate then step into the presence of God unlike they had ever been able or stretched to do before. The service was an amazing force of impact, whether a tad uncomfortable for some or finally freedom raining for others. But, yes, the three of us talked about the service. It lead us to talking about many other things. Things that broke our hearts. Issues that we wanna fight for. Moments that we met the Lord in a new place.
...This one and simple conversation was the most uplifting thing that could have occurred after the events that had dismayed me this weekend. And, all of that being stated, it merely reminded me of these truths:
Sometimes the best and dearest moments come from abandoning your schedule. Sometimes the faces you view acquaintances are waiting to bloom into the dearest friendships. For them to bloom it takes putting down the planner, throwing out the schedule and stopping to give them your undivided attention. Sometimes the Lord has His hands out to bless us but it is always our choice to receive them.
I suppose what I am saying here is, I am blessed amongst the heartaches. I am blessed during the trials. I'm sent friends to help walk through fire. And, "OH, HE LOVES ME, TO THE END. ...WE WILL OVERCOME, BY HIS BLOOD, BY HIS BLOOD".
Oh HE Loves YOU, to the end.
Faith, Prayers, Encouragement,
Shattering Statistics
1 comments:
"Sometimes the best and dearest moments come from abandoning your schedule. Sometimes the faces you view acquaintances are waiting to bloom into the dearest friendships. For them to bloom it takes putting down the planner, throwing out the schedule and stopping to give them your undivided attention."
You are dead on. I am so thankful that you had such an awesome encounter with God this weekend. The fact that he would want to "intrude" on our meager, personal lives still astounds me. Thanks for sharing, chica! Praying blessings on you. :)
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